By Peter (Rediscovering the Church)
They say that love is blind – and when we marry, the blindness and excitement of new love can blinker us to the point that we think of our spouses in unrealistic terms.
Husbands look like hunky movie stars, wives like supermodels. We feel lucky to have found them.
A decade or so later though, you wake up one morning and realize that you’re married to the guy the Pillsbury Dough Boy is modeled on, or maybe the Michelin Man. That Greek Adonis you married is no more and instead you’re stuck with a balding, middle aged guy whose once perfect six-pack has turned into a whole barrel.
Husbands find their wives don’t fare much better either. The high-school cheerleader you fell in love with, all energy and perkiness who looked stunning in a miniskirt and form-fitting top, suddenly shows the effects of carrying your triplets inside her for nine months and even if she took a week-long trip to the spa would still look a little more like your mother-in-law than you ever dreaded she would.
Things change, time and circumstances take their toll and our looks ‘mature,’ to put it kindly. Unfortunately though, our attitudes and ideals don’t always mature along with them and we can find ourselves wanting a spouse who looks very different to what we have.
In this day and age, we have not learned the art of being content, of being satisfied with what we have. We always want something better, newer, hipper, trendier – anything other than what we’ve already got.
Sadly, for too many of us, that extends into our relationships, even our marriages. Instead of being content with the spouse we have, we want a ‘better’ one, one that fits our image of the ‘perfect’ partner.
I’ve learned that through four simple words I can have my perfect partner. Yes, I can have the best, sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world with just four simple words:
That’s what I like.
Seriously, I’ve found that’s all it takes. I simply look at my wife and say to myself, “That’s what I like.”
My head might want to believe the hype from Hollywood about what the perfect woman should look like, what I should be desiring and looking for but my heart knows that my wife is the one God made for me. Therefore, instead of creating a fantasy image in my head of what my perfect woman should look like, I look at my wife and tell myself, “That’s it, that’s my fantasy woman, That’s what I like!”
It might take a while to get used to at first but it when you persist with it, it has a wonderful psychological effect.
If my wife puts on a few pounds over Christmas, I don’t get disappointed that she’s not a slim as she was, instead I just tell myself, “That’s what I like.” If she dies her hair or gets new clothes, I look at her and say to myself “That’s what I like!” – and it works.
I find my wife to be the sexiest, most beautiful woman on the planet, not because she necessarily fulfils some teenage, hormone-fueled notion of what those words mean but because she’s my wife and I CHOOSE to think of her that way.
If you choose to say to yourself, “This is what I’ve got and I’m content with it” then it’s incredibly liberating. Instead of spending your time wishing your spouse looked different, you can spend your time appreciating them and loving them however they look.
I encourage you today to take a good look at your spouse and say, “That’s what I like!” Then let them know. Let them know that you like them just the way they are, that you find them attractive and desirable – that you CHOOSE them still. Try it and just see what a difference it makes to both of your lives!
Peter is a fellow blogger who is a husband, stay-at-home dad, house church pastor, aspiring author and small business owner who tries to make God the center of everything he does. He's walking out his salvation and learning and struggling just like the rest of us!