By Beth
I’ve been a “writer” most of my life. I’ve written short stories, poems, essays, research papers (but only for college) and have toyed with writing a full-length book for some time now. My earliest attempts at writing are all very similar. Girl is hurt/a servant/the outcast/the new girl; meets boy who is WAY out of her league (even though I didn’t know what “out of your league” meant back then); boy rescues girl and falls in love with girl; boy and girl live happily ever after. That was elementary school. In middle school I wrote mostly about boys I liked with the occasional poem thrown in. Interestingly enough, all the characters in my stories had names that started with the letter J. All of them, no exceptions. I don’t know why I did that, probably some deep psychological problem that will come out when I least expect it.
It wasn’t until high school that I switched off the topic of boys (although they still creep in from time to time!) and started writing about my feelings. Now, I don’t just mean the good feelings here. I mean anger, betrayal, sorrow, disappointment, etc. I wrote about it all. You see, I’m not a very emotionally open kind of person, never have been. I keep my feelings hidden, bury things down deep and for most people it is difficult to tell how I am feeling at any given time. I don’t cry at sad movies, I don’t lose my temper and scream at people on a regular basis, I’m not overly affectionate with those I love (I do hug and kiss my kids when they’ll allow it and tell them I love them but I prefer to show my love for them, and others in my life, in other ways).
I am not a “lovey-dovey” kind of person and those people make me uncomfortable. I’m not saying it’s wrong, it just isn’t me. I think I may have touched on this in my article about getting a massage. I don’t like to be touched, especially if I don’t know you! I went to a Bible study once where, on the way in, instead of a greeter to say hello and shake your hand, there was a hugger. I never went back to that Bible study.
In high school I learned that burying my feelings deep is unhealthy. It causes stress, sickness and sudden outbursts over seemingly insignificant things. It was during high school that many significant events occurred and I found that writing was therapeutic. It was a way for me to let things go, to take a step back and deal with the feelings I was having in a healthy manner. One thing I wrote a lot about was my relationship with my father, which deteriorated rapidly the older I got. I was angry and hurt and couldn’t express to anyone. My best friend’s father died suddenly in January of my 10th grade year. He was like a father to me and his death had a huge impact on the rest of my life. I wrote a poem that was published in our yearbook that year dedicated to him. I lost my copy of this yearbook and really wish there was some way I could get it back. I also became pregnant in the winter of my junior year, I was just barely 17. I won’t even go into all the emotions I was feeling then and after my daughter was born.
Recently I have started journaling every night before I go to bed. I’ll never have a collection to match Lara’s but someday my kids will enjoy reading about the day to day issues I chose to write about! The idea of getting something published intrigued me. I believe Lara is the one who came up with the idea. I wasn’t sure how we’d go about it, neither of us has any publishing company contacts and writing a story together probably wouldn’t work too well. Lara and I have different writing styles and well, I don’t like to share! So when Lara suggested we write for this blog I was all for it. I could write what I wanted about our adventures and she could write what she wanted and we’d have more than just ourselves to enjoy the year. So, thanks Ginny, for giving us this opportunity and thanks readers for being a part of our Year (extended) of the Birthday!
[Editors Note: Be sure to read Lara's post about YOB: #17. Try to Get Something Published]