By MAD21
Last week was "one of those weeks." My youngest was really struggling with self-control and obedience. Several times I saw the ugly side of lost tempers and bad attitudes, admittedly myself included. My oldest was struggling in her own way, too. Getting on "yellow" three days at school for talking and not controlling herself in class.
When it comes to discipline, I have found that grace is one of those really tricky things when it comes to being a parent. Mercy, too, for that matter. Grace being that thing you give when your kids are just short of reaching the goal, and mercy being what you give when they've missed it altogether.
My family is the very air I breath, so when we are not right with ourselves or each other, it effects me deeply. Overall, my kids are amazing and well-mannered. They love each other, and love spending time with each other playing and just hanging out. But as with most families, they go through phases where they test their boundaries and get on each other's nerves... and mine. My youngest loves to "push buttons," and my oldest is our "drama queen." Not the best of combinations at times.
Having worked with kids for most of my life, and being a parent for more than six years, I know the importance of consistency, following through with consequences, and ending every day with love and forgiveness. If you were to ask my kids about the choices they make, they will tell you what they've always been told... "When you make good choices, good things happen. When you make bad choices, bad things happen." And beyond that, every choice you make effects everyone around you. So for example: if you lose the privilege to go to the playground, we all suffer because none of us get to go; if you have a good attitude and make good choices, we all get to have fun.
These are all good rules to live by, but it is SO hard to put in action sometimes. As God gives us grace and mercy when we make bad choices, so do we as parents do the same for our kids. The trick is when. When to know it's ok to "just let it go" and when to enforce the consequences.
When my kids were younger (and even now sometimes), I got several comments from people when I'd get frustrated with their behavior. People would tell me, "they are just kids" or "it's ok, they'll grow out of it." And while both of those statements are true, if you let them get away with things when they are little, exactly when do you begin enforcing behaviors and rules? When do you offer up grace and let the bad behavior or choice slide? It's such a hard balance to find... allowing our kids to make mistakes, try not to over-control them and their lives, yet teach them how to make good choices and guide them in the right direction.
In my years of working with kids, I've seen them get away with so many bad choices, and in the long run it has really hurt them. In most cases, one bad choice leads to another to another, and so on. Just like lying. You have to keep making up lies to cover up the previous one. When does an innocent theft of a candy bar at a local convenience store lead to grand theft? So when do we give them grace or mercy, and when do we follow through with the consequences of their choice?
The ultimate giver of grace.
I know I probably have more questions than answers with regards to grace in this post. Mostly because I'm still learning myself. I wasn't offered much grace growing up, let alone mercy, so my family and I are learning together. What I do know is that we all fall short of the goal on a daily basis. As for how I handle it with my kids? I make sure that we at least end the day with no regrets. Forgiveness is given when needed and we have covered each other in love. We all meet together at the feet of Jesus, and pray that he will once again, meet us where we are, and carry us the distance.
I have no idea how God chooses when to give us grace, and when to allow us to suffer from the consequences of our choices. But I am so grateful for his sacrifice. The ultimate giver of grace and mercy.
This post is a participant in a blog carnival over at Bridget Chumbley's One Word at a Time.
Be sure to go and check out what everyone else wrote on: Grace.