By Ginny (MAD21)
Getting real with the road we are all on.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how often I write about the fun things we do as a family; ways that we as parents help grow our children; ideas regarding how to organize our lives; and make our family and faith stronger. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It is, after all, the mission of my blog to cover all of those topics. But after the last few posts I've written about Fun Fridays, playing games, and strategies that generally work for our family, I have felt the need to make sure you all knew that my family wasn't living in a realm of perfection where the sun is always shining, my house is always clean and organized, my children are always well behaved, and my hubby and I are always on speaking terms. If you've been thinking that, I'm sorry to shatter that image for you! Haha
We all talk a lot about our families, and our experiences as parents to children of all ages. We discuss how things should be in the world and how strong our faith should be, and how big our God is. Talking about all of these things is important, but I wonder if there is something else, something that is just as real that needs to be addressed.
Straight and easy roads have a tendency to eventually get bumpy with lots of turns.
How often have you ever felt or wondered if you were the only one around you who was hurting? All of us really need to know that we are not alone when things in life are not good, how our faith is weak, and how far away God feels at times.
My friend Pat wrote a great post last week about people in her life having very real struggles, and how helpless she feels sometimes. And then she reminded us that God's "...power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:8-9) It was something I really needed to hear at the time. It's not like I've never heard those words before, but sometimes when we are in the middle of a crisis, we forget these important things. It's good to have friends around you to help you find your way again.
The last two months in our family have been one of the most challenging times in my life, as an individual, and as a parent. There are a lot of things people don't talk about when it comes to being a parent. I'm not sure if it's because they are embarrassed, or if generally people don't like to talk about all the bad parts, or just don't want to hear it. But let me be the first to put it out there... there are times when being a parent is THE hardest thing you will ever, ever do. Not because of the logistics, but because of how much their choices and behaviors stretch you as an individual. If you ever want to really know who you are, don't look into a mirror, have children. You will learn very quickly just how far you can be pushed to all extremes, good ...and bad.
Sometimes the road is very dark, lonely and full of hardship.
I find it interesting how easy it is for some to judge the parents we hear about in the news who have chosen to take extreme measures regarding the lives of their children. Make no mistake, I am in NO way saying that any of the choices they made were the right thing to do. But if you have ever been a parent to children who were less than perfect, I would think that you would have a better understanding of how, without proper support, encouragement, and wise consultation, they could be driven to making such enormous mistakes. Sometimes when I hear these stories, I cry as much for the parent as I do for the children. I know the insanely deep love I have for my own children, as most parents do, and that no matter how bad things get I'd never, ever do anything to harm them. I wonder... how much pain was that parent feeling to have thought that what they were doing was the only way out, the only choice they had? We'll never know.
The best thing about roads is that no matter what, they always lead you home.
I offer three pieces of advice:
Seek wise counsel. At times, the wisest are those who have gone through what you are experiencing, but believe it or not, sometimes it's those who don't have any kids at all. There have been many times when they have offered the best advice because their view isn't clouded by personal experiences.
Prayer. Ask the people in your "inner circle" to pray for specific family needs. I believe in the strength of directed, intentional prayer. Knowing specific things to pray for helps the people praying to be more focussed in their time with God. I've personally seen this work. It is as much of a blessing to you as it is to those who are praying for you.
Love. Ask your closest friends and family to pray for and take care of you as an individual. Ask them for things that will support you and build you up so that you have the energy, desire, and motivation to do what is necessary. A lot of times friends and family feel helpless because they don't have any solid advice. They should know that there are times when you don't want them to give you advice, sometimes there really is nothing they can do for the situation, but they CAN do things to love on you (babysitting; cleaning; errands; surprise lunch/dinner; gift; phone call; flowers; etc.). Most of us have issues with asking for help, or telling others that we need them to love on us. I think that being a parent is one of God's ways of teaching us that it's okay, and necessary, for us to reach out to others.
Whether the road you are on right now is straight and easy or bumpy and full of curves, always know that you are not alone. Reach out to those that are closest to you. You may find out that they may need you as much as you need them. God gave us community so that we can walk this road together, straight to Him.
This post is a participant in a blog carnival over at Peter Pollock's place.
Be sure to go and check out what everyone else wrote on: Road.