When I Fail... Again
Friday, October 30, 2009 at 3:50PM MAD21 By MAD21
The last few weeks have been a learning experience in our home. I'm not sure which one of us is being stretched more; my kids, who are adjusting to being students and classmates, running and being tired all the time (moods reflecting it); or myself. As a parent you dream of doing what's best for your kids, teaching them to make good choices, and love one another. You try your hardest to do and say the right things all day everyday, all the while keeping your cool when they make all the wrong choices. You are, of course, the biggest influence of who they will be when they grow up. No pressure at all.
I have been failing all over everywhere all week. It's been a real mess. The harder I try to do the right thing, the harder I fall when I don't live up to my own expectations (there's a hint for ya). The harder I push my kids, the harder they push back. It did finally get to the point when I just had to stop and say... SERIOUSLY? The peek of my week I'll call, "The day of POO," but I'll discuss that in a post another day.
But where do you go when you just ..can't? You know the days. You've run out of words, and you're just left there, as if you are watching outside your body at the total insanity moving around you. Almost in disbelief. How did I lose control?
These are the times when I just need to stop everything. Find a quiet place, even if it's hiding in a closet, and BE STILL.
Below is a post I did over the summer. I felt it appropriate to repost it today after another week of failing...
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How many times have you found yourself feeling like a total failure? Especially parents who have really young kids who test their boundaries just about every minute of the day (though I guess it could be the same for parents of kids of any age!). We have two amazing little girls in our house, but there are those days. You know them... the days when they have forgotten all the things they've learned in their short years; sharing; politeness; loving one another; the importance of good attitudes; etc. We all have standards that we've set for ourselves. How many days have we not only failed our own, but also failed to meet God's?
It gets me wondering, maybe we need to step back and look at who's standards we should be following. Are we putting more pressure on ourselves than God had intended? We think we are failing ourselves and God when our children aren't making good choices in their lives, but what is really happening?
When your children are really young, like our's are, you work really hard to teach them right from wrong, etc. But what about the day-to-day frustrations? Like your 3-year-old refusing to use the toilet every-time, not just when she feels like it. People share different techniques on how to encourage them to make the right choice (like not to go in your underwear which makes both you AND mommy suffer). But, what about all the feelings that go along with it? Do you get angry? Do you spank them? Give them cold baths? Timeouts? And once you've tried all the 'techniques,' what then? What about those days you just feel like you did it all wrong?
I'll tell you what. Let it go. Just let it go. The feelings anyway. Stay consistent with whatever you have chosen to do in the situation, and stay calm, and let God jump in and do what he is best at. Changing the heart. The only person we can ultimately control is ourselves. During a conversation with my sister about this topic, she made a hilarious remark regarding our kids and their choices (her kids are grown). I said to her the phrase, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink..." and she said, "what if you can't even get them to the water?" As funny as it is, it made me stop and think.
There have been nights when I have laid in bed wondering, who is this person I have become? This isn't the kind of parent I wanted to be. I pray daily that God will help me be better...at everything! Help me not to fail my children, myself, and more importantly HIM. But just because our kids make bad choices doesn't mean that we have failed. Just because we may not have responded to the situation in a calm and organized manner does not mean we are a failure. I think we need to remember that our job is not to force our kids to make good choices in their lives. It is our job to love them like crazy, teach and show them the good choices, show them the path to God, and let HIM do the rest of the work. Because in the end, we cannot force them. They are their own person. And God loves them more than we do.
I read an amazing article called "When I Fail" on a blog called We Are THAT Family. If you are a parent, I highly encourage you to read this blog on a regular basis. It's good stuff! Kristen is the mom behind that blog. And she gave me permission to repost her words here. This was just the change in perspective that I needed. I pray that this posting will bless you as much as it did me. Thanks Kristen!
WHEN I FAIL
Last week was bad.
Not the kind of bad you can blame on a broken dishwasher or a stubbed toe or someone else.
It was a week filled with me, failing.
I wasn't a great Mom or a good wife. I yelled too much and didn't listen enough. I was short-tempered and impatient and just generally unhappy.
Sure, I can come up with excuses that might justify some of my behavior. But I had a choice how to handle my frustrating week.
And I failed.
It hurts to admit it.
We live in a world that doesn't like failure. It's ugly and messy. Our world wants perfection: Perfectly manicured people who never mess up.
And when you do fail, there are always a handful of people to point it out, especially in the church. Just think about the pastors and TV evangelists who've suffered a public fall. It makes us uncomfortable.
Failure makes us want to cover it up, to excuse it. Failure makes us want to run away.
But we were created to fail.
Through failure, I am drawn to the One who runs to me. He does not turn away from my shortcomings. He is not afraid of my humanity.
When I cut my hand chopping veggies in the kitchen, the blood in my body rushes to the wound. That's what it was created to do. Our blood was designed to wash out the impurities and clot to protect us.
And when I fail as a parent or a wife or a person, His Blood goes to my injured heart. It rushes to the place I hurt. Because that's what it was created to do.
He is there to wash away my regret and my sin.
When I fail.
Food for the Soul: 1 John 1:7 "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
Reader Comments (7)
We have two (grown) sons, and more days felt like failures than successes. In fact, successes seemed few and far between. They grew up -- and something miraculous happened -- they turned into pretty cool adults. We don't know what happened, but whatever it was, God did it.
Thanks, Glynn. It's good to know. :o)
Wow, Ginny. I can relate on so many levels, I never thought I'd feel so much like a 'failure' until I had children!
Thanks for the great post!
I know what you're feeling. As many times as we fail, at least there is One who never does. That's good news... :)
What Bridget said. Thanks, Ginny (I think!)
You need some serious "Quit beatin' yourself up" vibes!!! As parents we all do our best. We raised four kids, and all six of us lived through it none the worse for wear. Trust your instincts.
I really needed to read this post. Thank you.