Sheltering And Shepherding Your Children

By Jason, M.Ed., M.A.R., Headmaster & Parent

Which of the following is wrong for parents to do?

1. Feeding their children.
2. Clothing their children.
3. Sheltering their children.

If you listen to some people in our culture, including a majority of Christians, #3 is a capital offense. “How can you shelter your children?” they ask with shocked expressions on their faces. Why don’t they ever accuse people of daring to try to feed and clothe their children?

The day after the 2004 Super Bowl, many people were talking about the shocking halftime show featuring Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. CBS claimed to be embarrassed and shocked by the performance and had issued a public apology. Five years later, I still personally wonder why people were only shocked by the ending of the performance and not by the whole insane performance itself. It amazes me how far the line of decency has moved and what it takes to outrage people today.

Yet we don’t want our children to be sheltered, do we? After all, we live in the world and our children need to be aware of the ways of the world, so they can get along and even “reach out” to those around them. We need to expose our children to all the world has to offer so they aren’t shocked when they move out on their own or go to college.

These points sound logical, don’t they? They sound reasonable. Certainly, we’ve all heard of Christian kids who have gone off to college and cut loose once they’re out from under the oppressive thumb of their parents. Yet is the problem really that these kids have been sheltered, or is there more to it than that?

I firmly believe that God calls parents to shelter their children from the negative influences of culture. We do not allow our children to starve just so they can know what hunger is like, nor do we neglect teaching them the Bible or praying for them, so they can know how unbelieving children live. We care too much for our little ones to neglect or abuse them in such ways. I think we should feel the same way about destructive moral and spiritual influences. Our children need four walls and a roof to protect them from harsh natural forces, and they need discerning parents to protect them from harsh assaults on their minds and hearts.

Yet when we feed and clothe our children, we do so with love. We patently teach them why we feed them vegetables and why we make them wear a coat in the cold. We do so hoping that one day, when they’re grown, they will make the same wise choices for themselves. We should do the same with our sheltering of their spirits. We should gently and lovingly protect them from evil, all the while teaching them why we are doing so. In other words, we should shepherd them while we shelter them.

Children rebel against harsh legalism. They do not generally rebel against patient, wise and loving parenting. Yes, their hearts are prone to sin, and they do resist our efforts. But in the end, God is faithful to keep His promises as we strive to do His will. We must believe this.

Here are some practical things you can do to shelter and shepherd your children:

1. Spend your time wisely. Instead of watching television, spend time in family worship, playing a fun board game, reading books together, going for a family outing or doing other positive, life-enriching activities.
2. Choose your entertainment carefully. Look hard for those high-quality and truly good entertainment options, music and movies and television programs that both affirm your values and satisfy your sense of beauty and excellence. Christian culture has no shortage of “Jesus junk,” as a fiend of mine calls it—inferior quality stuff that Christians buy into simply because it has the name “Christian.” You children will tire of this stuff quickly and will be left thinking that all things that are morally good are cheap and boring.
3. Engage your children in thoughtful discussion. Ask you kids questions about their entertainment choices that make them think about what they’re allowing into their minds.
4. Be consistent and not hypocritical. If something is really trash, it doesn’t belong in your mind any more than it belongs in your children’s minds. Here I have a confession to make: I was in a room full of adults at someone else’s house during the Super Bowl, but I should’ve made the choice to walk away and find something else to do when the sewage began flowing. We cannot expect our children to have courage and make right choices if we don’t do so ourselves.

If you’re still not convinced that sheltering your children is a good idea or that it is worth the effort, consider this: There may be worse things than having your children temporarily rebel against your guidelines. They may end up like Justin Timberlake. His Christian upbringing and profession of faith in Jesus didn’t stop him from exposing Janet Jackson on national television. And the same Christian upbringing and profession don’t keep Brittany Spears, Beyonce, Toni Braxton and others from exposing themselves indecently again and again. How do we expect any upright behavior from the world when so-called Christians are so actively polluting it?