Boundless: Faith For The Man He'll Become
Monday, July 13, 2009 at 3:10PM MAD21 By MAD21
Carolyn McCulley wrote a fabulous article for Boundless Webzine called, "Faith For The Man He'll Become." She gives great insight for those who are looking for 'the one' they will marry. It's an interesting perspective on how you should be approaching the dating scene. She discusses mainly two important things.
First, we shouldn't go into relationships thinking of how we can change the other person, but we should see each other's potentials and help encourage and nurture them. What can we do to bring out the best in the other person? Ms. McCulley says, "The Lord has given women the opportunity to be holy influencers. Unfortunately, many of us try to influence change through the barrage of our words (read: nagging, whining, manipulating) rather than through the purity and reverence in our attitudes that is built upon a gentle trust in God's ability to change people...."
The second great insight Ms. McCulley talked about, was to be honest with yourself about what you are actually looking for in the relationship. This will change how you look at the person you are wanting to date, as well as how how you act yourself. Ms. McCully tells a story of one of her friends: "One day, my friend Kyle announced an important revelation: "I recently realized that I've been looking for a girlfriend, instead of a wife. I've been presuming on marriage, instead of preparing for it."" Amazing. Just think about that for a minute.
Before I got married, I had a general rule that I would never date anyone I would never marry. That's not to say I wanted to marry everyone I dated, just that it didn't make sense to get involved with someone that may have lived in a way or believed in things that did not agree with my own life and beliefs. It didn't make sense to me to get involved with and perhaps fall in love with someone, who did not have the same goals for their life. It would only lead to heart-break down the road.
Remember that relationships are about so much more than love, lust, infatuation, fun, etc. Relationships were God's idea. He has a purpose for them, as he does for everything. There is a reason that we long to be with another. But as with all things, there are boundaries. We cannot let our longing for another person cloud our minds and make us lose focus on what is most important. God's plan, for us, and for the other person.
Relationships, Young Adult in Young Adults
Reader Comments (2)
"...we should see each other's potentials and help encourage and nurture them. What can we do to bring out the best in the other person?"
I think this is a huge challenge for young people. So many movies and tv shows kind of glamorize the "demanding woman" in the relationship..it shows women getting what they want and being the ultimate decision maker. People crave control in so many ways... I think it is an ongoing challenge to realize that relationships are not about control. Something my significant other and I say all the time is that "we are togeher because we make each other better." Cliche, yes... but true. As stated above, we should see each other's potential and find ways to encourage and motivate... rather than demand and "push into a corner." I believe that love can't grow until you whole heartedly accept the others imperfections...but more importantly, you can see all the wonderful qualities that significantly over shadow those imperfections.
As for me, I hope to be very conscious of that fine line between nagging... and actually encouraging. Seriously, how can you intimately love someone who seems to always be on your back??!!!!
I think the big take-away for me with this one is the idea that perfection does not exist, so we need to stop looking for it. At the same time though, we need to know what we want and need well enough and what God is calling us to seek out in order to have a framework for dating the kind of people who are "marriage material."