What Is Marriage?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010 at 7:00AM MAD21 By Kevin (Shooting the Breeze)
Now that Grover has given his take on marriage, I will now share mine.:) I must say up front that I am by no means an expert on marriage. I have been married for almost 17 years now though and I have learned a few things along the way. In this post, I would like to share some of those things with you.
Here are two things that I believe make up a healthy marriage:
1. Commitment: First and foremost it takes commitment. A healthy marriage does not just happen automatically. It requires commitment and effort. Couples must want to have a healthy marriage, decide to have a healthy marriage and make an effort to have a healthy marriage.
2. Doing practical things: There are many practical things that couples can do to help build a healthy marriage like:
Having a daily focused connecting time. Make this a priority. It can be when you get home from work, after the kids go to bed (if you have kids) or right before you go to bed. The point is: Do it!
A weekly date night. Find a night that works and schedule it. Commit to making that night just about the two of you. Watch a movie, play a game, go out for dinner or just chat. It’s important to know that you don’t always have to leave the house to have a date night.
Yearly getaways. This takes planning and work but is very important. Go away for the weekend. Go away for a week if you can. These times will be incredibly valuable for your relationship.
Apply emotionally healthy practices. This is the toughest one as it is the hardest. Learn to listen to one another, to speak directly, clearly, honestly and respectfully with each other and to check out assumptions.
My wife is truly a gift from God to me and I am committed to making our relationship strong and healthy. How about you? How is the quality of your marriage? Would your spouse agree with your assessment? What are you doing to make your marriage relationship a priority?
Kevin Martineau has been married 16 years and has three beautiful daughters (10, 7 and 4). He has the honour of serving God through his role as Pastor at Port Hardy Baptist Church on Northern Vancouver Island, British Columbia. He enjoys blogging, reading, photography and watching hockey.
Reader Comments (10)
"A healthy marriage does not just happen automatically." That is so true. I find it amazing how many of us assume marriage will just work on its own. I made this mistake early on for sure. Great advice here, Kevin, we have to take actions to ensure our marriage is strong and healthy.
And I agree with Grover's little friend. Married people kiss! :)
Great post!
I LOVE Grover. He's still my favorite from when I was a kid and he helped me learn my alphabet and my colors. Thanks for the happy memories today :-)
Thanks Chuck! I can relate to "assuming marriage will work out on its own" as well. I spent the first 10 years of our marriage with that perspective. It was until "crisis" hit that we woke up and realized that marriage takes a lot of hard work and effort! :)
You're welcome Marni!
This is a great list, Kevin. Wonderful reminders. Thanks!
Thanks for spreading the word, Kevin! Your list is short, sweet and spot-on!
My husband and I have been married for 36.5 years and we agree that commitment and focused time together and FOR each other keeps us being the lighthouse to other marriages. Knowing that we are gifts to each other makes us work at keeping the gift protected and prized.
May you and your wife be blessed!
Great article Kevin. Thanks for sharing!
Great post Kevin! I think the most important think in a relationships is God first, your spouse second, and you after that. Then there is no way that you would ever hurt your spouse because of something that you wanted, because their feelings and emotions are now more important than yours!
Thanks Kevin for reminding us all those "so obvious" principles.
My first marriage, sadly, burned to the ground because of lack of time for each other. We spent more time apart than together, because of business trips. This was the wrong priority.
I'm in a relationship again and believe me, I'm stressing out that point almost every day.
We work from home, so it's easy to "talk shop" all the time. Therefore we have established some rules:
1. Business talk is banned from the bedroom. That is our sacred place.
2. Before we go to sleep we ask each other what the happy moments of the day were. It forces us to share and to recognize and be grateful for our blessings, big or small
3. One date night per week is a must.
4. No computers, Blackberrys or electronic devices during meals
5. Family evenings at least once a week (with parents, brothers, sisters, etc...)
6. As we both are good listeners, this is the easy part: we allow each other time to express our feelings and answer only when the other is done
7. Lots of love, respect and admiration for big and little things
8. One principle: what won't be important tomorrow has no importance today
9. and... lots of kisses :)
Thanks everyone for all your kind words and encouragements!
@Tom Thanks for pointing that out. I can't believe that I missed putting that in there!
@Nadia Don't you hate learning important lessons the hard way? I do! You have some great ideas to keep your relationship healthy Nadia! Keep on keeping on! :)