The Importance Of Asking The Right Questions

By Jason, M.Ed., M.A.R., Headmaster

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

Andrew Kirn, classical educator and President of the Circe Institute, said that if you want to be able to measure the goodness of someone life, one way to do it is to look at the questions they ask. We can apply the same standard as we evaluate our own lives and the way we are raising our children. Questions are vital to life. Asking the right questions is as important as getting the right answers, because the questions we ask set the trajectory of our lives and, in fundamental ways, shape our values and priorities.

Think of the kinds of questions we can be asking as parents:

• How can I make my child happy?
• How can I make sure my child does well in school?
• How can I secure scholarship money for my child for college?
• How can I help my child make friends?
• How can I ensure my child's success in college and in life?
• How can I help boost my child's self-esteem?

While some of these questions are necessary, many of them can distract us from questions that are more important. It seems to me that most people in our culture are asking two fundamental questions about everything in life: What will make me happy? What will work to help me achieve my goals?

These two fundamental questions that most people ask all the time betray the two dominant religions of our culture: hedonism and pragmatism. Hedonism is the seeking of pleasure for pleasure's sake. Pragmatism is the seeking of whatever "works." These two religions are reflected in the two key goals most parents have for their children: that they be happy and that they be successful.

I suggest we need to aim a little higher. Striving to help our children be happy and successful will produce a very common unintended consequence: selfishness. Hedonism and pragmatism are inherently self-centered and unconcerned about greater values and the common good of all. They are also completely blind to the surpassing greatness of the glory of God.

Think about how these values differ so vastly from what Paul commends to us in Philippians 4:8. Paul does not encourage us to seek what makes us happy and what "works" for us. On the contrary, he speaks of what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and praiseworthy. Classical educators have spoken of the things Paul commends in terms of three ideals: the true, the good and the beautiful.

The true, the good and the beautiful may or may not make us immediately happy. They may or may not "work" or have immediate "cash value." What they do, as we train ourselves and our children to love and pursue them, is shape our souls to better glorify and enjoy God. How? Because the true, the good and the beautiful ultimately point us toward their source - the One who is Supreme Truth, Goodness and Beauty in Himself. They also train us to enjoy things which reflect God's character and which thus have intrinsic value.

Our culture doesn't believe in truth, goodness and beauty. It believes in subjectivism and relativism, which undermines any meaningful pursuit of these ideals. Truth has been replaced by "what's true for you." Goodness has been replaced by "if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad" and "who are you to judge?" Beauty has been replaced by "what I like" and "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." It makes perfect sense that a society that thinks like this resents the exclusive claims of Christ and the truth claims of the Bible.

We must train ourselves first and then our children to think differently and thus to live differently. We must appreciate things that take work in order to be able to appreciate - those "acquired tastes" of life. We must discipline ourselves to ask, "What is true or good or beautiful about this thing that it should be worthy of my time and energy?" Then, we must train our children to ask the same questions in their own choices.

Allow me to suggest an alternate set of questions for us to pursue as parents:

• What will make my child more virtuous?
• What will help my child grow to be more like Christ?
• What will train my child to appreciate and enjoy that which is true, good and beautiful?
• What will equip my child to be strong and confident when confronted by the lies of our culture?
• What will help our family be a better reflection of God's character to the world around us?

Then, please allow me to suggest some answers to some of these questions:

• Read good stories together - stories that teach moral courage, virtue and Godly character.
• Have your children read the biographies of great Christian men and women.
• Cultivate a taste for excellent music and art, especially for music and art that you wouldn't normally and easily enjoy. Attend a classical music concert. Go to a classical fine art gallery. Learn what makes this kind of music and art excellent. Think about such things, in the words of Paul.
• Train your children in good manners. Teach them to be polite and civil and also thoughtful of others. Manners train us to respect the thoughts, feelings and concerns of others.
• Get out of the house and serve others. Doing good to others counters our natural selfishness and cultivates in us real, lasting joy.
• Start a meaningful hobby together - collecting something, growing something, making something.
• Take time each day to talk together as a family. Learn to cultivate an appreciation for the truth, goodness and beauty we experience each day. In other words, train your children to really tell you what they learned in school, what good stories they are enjoying reading, what evidence of God's goodness they have seen in their lives, etc.
• Spend time together in the Word and in prayer.
• Sing together. Some of you may think this suggestion is crazy, but try it - sing hymns, spiritual songs, folk songs, etc.

Our culture has drifted so far away from what we once had that was good. We need to rebuild the culture from the ground up, one family at a time. If you really and prayerfully consider these new questions and new priorities, you may realize that you have to cut out some things in your life-- seemingly good things that are crowding out better things. Please join me and my family as we seek together to become what God intends us to be.

Here are some suggested resources for cultivating a virtuous, God-honoring family life:

1. World-Proof Your Kids by Tom Sisemore
2. Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp
3. Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens by Paul David Tripp
4. Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training by Lou Priolo
5. How to Raise a Gentleman by Kay West
6. How to Raise a Lady by Kay West
7. Classics to Read Aloud to Your Children by William F. Russell
8. Tending the Heart of Virtue: How Classic Stories Awaken a Child's Moral Imagination by Vigen Guroian