If You Knew Then What You Know Now...

Reposted By Erika

I was asked today by the youth minister at my home church what I wish I had been told when I was in middle/high school about sexuality/relationships/sex, etc. in preparation for an upcoming series on the subject(s).

I think it's hard for me to even know where to start. I made so many mistakes - mistakes which started in middle school. I know a lot of well-meaning adults said a lot of things to try and deter me from making bad decisions. But I have always been the kind who had to learn the hard way.

I heard a lot of glossed-over metaphors, like: "Your body is like a present, you shouldn't let anyone unwrap it until your wedding night" and, "Don't touch anywhere a bathing suit would cover."

I understood the idea that I was not supposed to do these things, and that they were sins, but I didn't quite grasp the idea that by choosing to break the rules, I was breaking God's heart and my own in the process.

The first time I remember hearing a Christian talk about sex and sexuality in a real, raw, honest and beautiful way was at PCTC in high school. But by this point I had already buried myself waist-deep in sexual sin. I heard what she had to say, but I also acknowledged that I had an addiction, and it was a love-hate relationship I wasn't ready to give up. That same weekend I found myself running back to my comfort zone of male attention and the adrenaline-rush of forbidden fruit.

I wish more Christians - especially women - had been more raw and honest. I wish I had been told the stories about the rapes and abortions and the heartache and the emptiness sooner. Most of all, I wish I had listened when they told me there would be consequences, and what it feels like to have your heart completely shattered. I wish I had been able to really believe that God's infinite love far surpasses any that a human man can offer.

I wish I didn't have to see my sin for what it really is - completely disgusting - so foul it makes my stomach turn. But I fully acknowledge that if I hadn't seen my sin for what it looks like to the Father - to my maker, the being whose image I am stamped with - I wouldn't understand my deep need for Jesus. For forgiveness. For redemption.

I'm in remission. I'm still struggling with coming to terms with what my sexuality as a human and a woman and a Christian looks like. It's guaranteed to be a lifelong journey. I am so thankful that I know this much thus far.

What do you wish you knew then - that you know now?