Thinking About the 'D' Word? Think About This...

By MAD21

The webzine Momlogic posted an article titled, "Why Divorce Isn't Always the Answer." I was personally so happy to see someone finally writing about working to save your marriage instead of reasons it's ok to divorce, or why you should divorce. In the article, they list what they called, "the "Four Horsemen." They describe the negative things we do to each other that will destroy our relationship. Bringing to light things we need to be careful to avoid.

I found it interesting that most of the people who commented on the article were defending divorce. Now, I'm not saying there is never a reason for divorce. That is a whole other topic for another day. What I'm talking about are reasons to stay. Reasons to do what it takes to make it work.

Below you will find the comment I made to Momlogic regarding this article on Divorce. Here is the perspective from a child whose parents probably should have been divorced, but weren't. What are the important lessons here? Never give up; make sure it ends with you; and instead of letting your past rule over your life, turn it into something good.

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When my parents got married, it was a matter of convenience. All their friends were doing it. So it seemed it was just the next step for them. When they got married, and for most of the years they were married, divorce was not something taken lightly, and most were ashamed to even consider it, let alone actually go through with it. I believe that for the first few years, they were happy. But as time went on and three children joined the family (the third was unplanned and arrived 11 years after the second), things fell apart. I could write a book about all of the verbal and emotional abuse that went on in our home. Suffice to say, it was bad enough that I prayed almost every night that I would not wake up the next morning.

When it came time to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, my Dad said, "No. No party. There was nothing to celebrate." They had been married 52 years when he passed away.

I'm a child of parents who stayed together, and probably shouldn't have, and definitely would not have in today's ideology. I have emotional scars that I will live with for the rest of my life. I often wonder what it would have been like if they had divorced. But you know, as bad as it got, I'm glad they never did. The experience of growing up in a house filled with fear, anger, and hurt made me who I am.

Would I live through it again? No way. But that experience made me a more passionate, and compassionate person. And the cycle of abuse will stop with me. I have an amazing husband, and two wonderful daughters that will never know first-hand what it is like to live in that kind of home.

Are there people who should get divorced? Probably. But I think people use it way too freely these days. They get out of the relationship because it isn't doing anything for them, they aren't happy. We forget sometimes that marriage is a promise. To love and care for no matter what. Nowhere does it say, I'll stay until I'm unhappy. We need to start asking our spouse, what can I do to bless and honor you? Not, what are you going to do for me today.