When I Fail

By MAD21

How many times have you found yourself feeling like a total failure? Especially parents who have really young kids who test their boundaries just about every minute of the day (though I guess it could be the same for parents of kids of any age!). We have two amazing little girls in our house, but there are those days. You know them... the days when they have forgotten all the things they've learned in their short years; sharing; politeness; loving one another; the importance of good attitudes; etc. We all have standards that we've set for ourselves. How many days have we not only failed our own, but also failed to meet God's?

It gets me wondering, maybe we need to step back and look at who's standards we should be following. Are we putting more pressure on ourselves than God had intended? We think we are failing ourselves and God when our children aren't making good choices in their lives, but what is really happening?

When your children are really young, like our's are, you work really hard to teach them right from wrong, etc. But what about the day-to-day frustrations? Like your 3-year-old refusing to use the toilet every-time, not just when she feels like it. People share different techniques on how to encourage them to make the right choice (like not to go in your underwear which makes both you AND mommy suffer). But, what about all the feelings that go along with it? Do you get angry? Do you spank them? Give them cold baths? Timeouts? And once you've tried all the 'techniques,' what then? What about those days you just feel like you did it all wrong?

I'll tell you what. Let it go. Just let it go. The feelings anyway. Stay consistent with whatever you have chosen to do in the situation, and stay calm, and let God jump in and do what he is best at. Changing the heart. The only person we can ultimately control is ourselves. During a conversation with my sister about this topic, she made a hilarious remark regarding our kids and their choices (her kids are grown). I said to her the phrase, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink..." and she said, "what if you can't even get them to the water?" As funny as it is, it made me stop and think.

There have been nights when I have laid in bed wondering, who is this person I have become? This isn't the kind of parent I wanted to be. I pray daily that God will help me be better...at everything! Help me not to fail my children, myself, and more importantly HIM. But just because our kids make bad choices doesn't mean that we have failed. Just because we may not have responded to the situation in a calm and organized manner does not mean we are a failure. I think we need to remember that our job is not to force our kids to make good choices in their lives. It is our job to love them like crazy, teach and show them the good choices, show them the path to God, and let HIM do the rest of the work. Because in the end, we cannot force them. They are their own person. And God loves them more than we do.

I read an amazing article called "When I Fail" on a blog called We Are THAT Family. If you are a parent, I highly encourage you to read this blog on a regular basis. It's good stuff! Kristen is the mom behind that blog. And she gave me permission to repost her words here. This was just the change in perspective that I needed. I pray that this posting will bless you as much as it did me. Thanks Kristen!

WHEN I FAIL

Last week was bad.

Not the kind of bad you can blame on a broken dishwasher or a stubbed toe or someone else.

It was a week filled with me, failing.

I wasn't a great Mom or a good wife. I yelled too much and didn't listen enough. I was short-tempered and impatient and just generally unhappy.

Sure, I can come up with excuses that might justify some of my behavior. But I had a choice how to handle my frustrating week.

And I failed.

It hurts to admit it.

We live in a world that doesn't like failure. It's ugly and messy. Our world wants perfection: Perfectly manicured people who never mess up.

And when you do fail, there are always a handful of people to point it out, especially in the church. Just think about the pastors and TV evangelists who've suffered a public fall. It makes us uncomfortable.

Failure makes us want to cover it up, to excuse it. Failure makes us want to run away.

But we were created to fail.

Through failure, I am drawn to the One who runs to me. He does not turn away from my shortcomings. He is not afraid of my humanity.

When I cut my hand chopping veggies in the kitchen, the blood in my body rushes to the wound. That's what it was created to do. Our blood was designed to wash out the impurities and clot to protect us.

And when I fail as a parent or a wife or a person, His Blood goes to my injured heart. It rushes to the place I hurt. Because that's what it was created to do.

He is there to wash away my regret and my sin.

When I fail.

Food for the Soul: 1 John 1:7 "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."

Comments

[Renee]

HIS mercies are made new every morning and I'm so grateful for that. This summer my teenager will spend 2 whole weeks away from me. I can only pray that the seeds I planted, God is growing. It is hard to remeber that He is the one who will give the increase because as a parent I think that is my job. It's not so I too have to surrender my children daily to Him. Let me encourage you-you are a terrific mom and God is growing the seeds you plant every day even if you think they are falling on dry brittle ground!

[MAD21]

Thanks, Renee. I love them dearly, and honestly, overall, they are amazing and wonderful kids. It's hard sometimes to let them go. Let them make their own mistakes. We want so much for them. In their innocence and naivety they just don't understand what lies ahead of them. It would be nice if the world was as they see it now.

Wasn't it good what Eric said on Sunday? ... Teach them the black and white so they will know what to do when they are on the river of gray. Sometimes I just wish I could give them the knowledge we've learned in our lives, so it's easier for them. But I guess life wasn't meant to be easy. They have to learn for themselves. Interesting how we learn just as much being their parents as the kids do growing up. :o)