Contentment
Monday, January 25, 2010 at 7:00AM MAD21 By Peter (Rediscovering the Church)
They say that love is blind – and when we marry, the blindness and excitement of new love can blinker us to the point that we think of our spouses in unrealistic terms.
Husbands look like hunky movie stars, wives like supermodels. We feel lucky to have found them.
A decade or so later though, you wake up one morning and realize that you’re married to the guy the Pillsbury Dough Boy is modeled on, or maybe the Michelin Man. That Greek Adonis you married is no more and instead you’re stuck with a balding, middle aged guy whose once perfect six-pack has turned into a whole barrel.
Husbands find their wives don’t fare much better either. The high-school cheerleader you fell in love with, all energy and perkiness who looked stunning in a miniskirt and form-fitting top, suddenly shows the effects of carrying your triplets inside her for nine months and even if she took a week-long trip to the spa would still look a little more like your mother-in-law than you ever dreaded she would.
Things change, time and circumstances take their toll and our looks ‘mature,’ to put it kindly. Unfortunately though, our attitudes and ideals don’t always mature along with them and we can find ourselves wanting a spouse who looks very different to what we have.
In this day and age, we have not learned the art of being content, of being satisfied with what we have. We always want something better, newer, hipper, trendier – anything other than what we’ve already got.
Sadly, for too many of us, that extends into our relationships, even our marriages. Instead of being content with the spouse we have, we want a ‘better’ one, one that fits our image of the ‘perfect’ partner.
I’ve learned that through four simple words I can have my perfect partner. Yes, I can have the best, sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world with just four simple words:
That’s what I like.
Seriously, I’ve found that’s all it takes. I simply look at my wife and say to myself, “That’s what I like.”
My head might want to believe the hype from Hollywood about what the perfect woman should look like, what I should be desiring and looking for but my heart knows that my wife is the one God made for me. Therefore, instead of creating a fantasy image in my head of what my perfect woman should look like, I look at my wife and tell myself, “That’s it, that’s my fantasy woman, That’s what I like!”
It might take a while to get used to at first but it when you persist with it, it has a wonderful psychological effect.
If my wife puts on a few pounds over Christmas, I don’t get disappointed that she’s not a slim as she was, instead I just tell myself, “That’s what I like.” If she dies her hair or gets new clothes, I look at her and say to myself “That’s what I like!” – and it works.
I find my wife to be the sexiest, most beautiful woman on the planet, not because she necessarily fulfils some teenage, hormone-fueled notion of what those words mean but because she’s my wife and I CHOOSE to think of her that way.
If you choose to say to yourself, “This is what I’ve got and I’m content with it” then it’s incredibly liberating. Instead of spending your time wishing your spouse looked different, you can spend your time appreciating them and loving them however they look.
I encourage you today to take a good look at your spouse and say, “That’s what I like!” Then let them know. Let them know that you like them just the way they are, that you find them attractive and desirable – that you CHOOSE them still. Try it and just see what a difference it makes to both of your lives!
Peter is a fellow blogger who is a husband, stay-at-home dad, house church pastor, aspiring author and small business owner who tries to make God the center of everything he does. He's walking out his salvation and learning and struggling just like the rest of us!
Marriage, Parents, Relationships in Parents
Reader Comments (10)
... And she is a beauty. I see here there, in that little thumbnail picture. :-)
Very affirming post for women, and a must-read for men.
Thank you.
Very true that we have to choose and we absolutely can (despite what many think or say). I hate it when people say, "I love him/her, but I'm just not IN love anymore." And the sad truth is that we choose this option all the while thinking we can't help it. Lord, help us! (and yes, that is a sincere prayer) :)
@Jennifer - Thanks, I think so too! :-)
Good thoughts, Peter. I like that... 4 simple words that can make a HUGE difference! Thanks.
I feel quadruply blessed. I don't regret for one minute marrying my wife. Knowing everything that I know, I would do it all over again, without question. I've never regretted "the one that got away," because she didn't; I married her. And she can still turn my head for a second and third look.
Nice post Peter ... :-)
Great post, Peter! Isn't it the truth? I've noticed the trend in myself to no be content with the things that I own. There's ALWAYS a new cell phone, computer or TV that is "better" than the one I have... But, they really aren't. I'm happy with what I have.
I'm in love with my wife, and she is what I like!
Good post, Peter.
I'm very much a believer in choosing love instead of falling into it (one of my most popular posts on my personal blog is all about that). BUT... how do you choose. I'm trying really I am. But can anyone give action steps for choosing to love someone? What does that process look like? Or is it too much of an art, something you have to figure out for yourself, to even give suggestions?
-Marshall Jones Jr.
"but my heart knows that my wife is the one God made for me. "
That is the key.
Great post!