Wall of Shame
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 7:00AM MAD21 By Pat
I like to think of myself as a forgiving person. I don't harbor grudges, I don't refuse to give second chances. I accept apologies, and I truly attempt to move on, seeing people as they are and not as they were. I encourage others to accept themselves as the failed human being they (we all) are. I know that this is right. I know this is what Jesus commands us to do. Why, then, is it so hard for me to forgive myself?
For many years, I have carried a heavy burden of sin. I have been unable to move past something I deem so awful I find it hard to even think about. I have told only a handful of people for fear of judgment. Like David, I lament, "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, only you, have I sinned and done what is wrong in your sight." (Psalm 51:3-4). Yes, David knew how hard it is to carry the weight of sin. I have confessed my sin before God, repented, and asked for His forgiveness. But yet, I have allowed the guilt that I feel to imprison me, and for some reason I just can't let it go. It's like trying to run with boulders strapped to my ankles. I just can't move forward as I should.