Wall of Shame
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 7:00AM MAD21 By Pat
I like to think of myself as a forgiving person. I don't harbor grudges, I don't refuse to give second chances. I accept apologies, and I truly attempt to move on, seeing people as they are and not as they were. I encourage others to accept themselves as the failed human being they (we all) are. I know that this is right. I know this is what Jesus commands us to do. Why, then, is it so hard for me to forgive myself?
For many years, I have carried a heavy burden of sin. I have been unable to move past something I deem so awful I find it hard to even think about. I have told only a handful of people for fear of judgment. Like David, I lament, "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, only you, have I sinned and done what is wrong in your sight." (Psalm 51:3-4). Yes, David knew how hard it is to carry the weight of sin. I have confessed my sin before God, repented, and asked for His forgiveness. But yet, I have allowed the guilt that I feel to imprison me, and for some reason I just can't let it go. It's like trying to run with boulders strapped to my ankles. I just can't move forward as I should.
In my head, I know this is unnecessary, but my heart overrules with feelings of shame and sorrow. I have created a wall between myself and Jesus, constructed with blocks of shame, regret and sadness. But Jesus doesn't want this, and in fact suffered and died a horrible death in order to knock down the wall of sin and free me from my self-imposed prison. I need not wallow in my past. None of us needs to wallow in our past. God did not say MOST of our sins are forgiven; He said ALL of them are forgiven. Small ones, medium ones and large ones. They're all the same to God, and one sin is just as forgiven as the next.
The apostle John wrote "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) Can you imagine a gift greater than this, to be completely pardoned and made new? God gave this gift to me and to you, but a gift is useless unless it is opened and put to use. Was the sacrifice made by our Savior all for nothing? No, it was not. There were no terms and conditions to the death and resurrection of Jesus. I am free, and so are you! God said, "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." (Isaiah 43:25). And so, like David, I will exalt when he said, "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord"- and you forgave the quilt of my sin." (Psalm 32:5)
If, like me, you struggle with the sins of your past, I encourage you not to let one more day pass with the "wall of shame" standing between you and your faith. Allow Jesus to knock down that wall! Walk toward God with nothing but joy, humbleness and thanks for the incomparable and incomprehensible gift of His mercy, forgiveness and love. Accept God's great gift of grace fully. Live for today. Live for God.
Pat is a good friend who is passionate about her faith and her family. She works from home supporting a family business, and loves to read, write and garden when she can, and spends every spare moment with her grandkids.
Reader Comments (5)
Pat, thank you so much for these reminders! I, too, have trouble forgiving myself for my own sins... And even things that may not be seen as sin, but that are simply weaknesses. (I am quite the perfectionist.) 1 John 1:9 was one of the first scriptures I memorized after I came to Christ and it is one of my most often quoted. Thanks for sharing this!
I have found the sacrament of Reconciliation to be very helpful to me in letting go of the guilt. My confessor has been very helpful to me in teaching me to distinguish between guilt and repentance. I still have to work on letting go of guilt, but much of what Fr. Ted said to me has been useful in that.
While other Christian denominations feel differently about Confession, perhaps a chat with one's pastor can be encouraging.
I have to remind myself all the time, "I have sinned. I am not sin. And Jesus died for those sins."
I can't tell you how much I loved this post.
I sometimes like to build that awful wall of shame too.
Thanks for the reminder to build the wall around me with only Jesus' forgiving grace. And hope.
Excellent Devotion Pat! It was much needed to read, and reminded me that the burdens I often carry are the ones that I hold on to. After I've asked for His forgiveness, I need to learn to let go and LET GOD.
Thank you all so much for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated. Blessings to you all.